SELF-INFLICTED PAIN

 “The only sadistic pleasure that I would get from attending his wedding,” she said “is knowing the fact that his hands will burn at the altar.”

“What do you mean by that?” asked a stunned Gerard.

“He will burn at the altar. As much as I know him, he can never be happy with anything”.

“And you will enjoy watching his doom! I thought you loved him!”

“I did and for the first few days after he told me, I cried. Later I denied it, but when I realized I had lost him to a girl who was way too different than me, I cried again,” she confessed.

“You know you deserve way better than him”

“I never had a doubt about that ever. But he was the one who always inspired the best in me. I respected him for that. Every relationship, Gerard requires both love and respect to survive and grow together. One without the other would be catastrophic”

She was standing in her balcony facing the sea with her dear neighbour. Being at the height of the 15th floor she could see the vastness of the water.

“So, what went wrong?”

“I wish I knew. Maybe, that’s what is killing me more. I want answers, someone to blame this on”

“This is not the first time, is it?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“I can tell. You don’t look broken. In fact, I am feeling bad for the poor soul.”

“Ha ha ha. The first time, I took it really badly. Lost my self confidence for a while. It took me years to recollect myself. He was my support in that phase.”

“What are you going to do Lizzy? What are you going to do to him?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He is marrying someone who lacks sensibility and maturity. He will mould her to his preference. For some years they will be happy. Then, he will realize that he is in a loveless marriage. But it will be too late, he is stuck now and won’t be able to do anything about it. He was always a spineless bastard!”

“But where does that leave you?”

“I have never been the puppeteer or the puppet. I am where I always wanted to be. I am far from being happy. Every day, the first thought and my last memory is about him. I am waiting for that morning when my heart grows back again and someone else resides in it.”

Gerard smiled and said, “you are sounding hopeful.”

She smiled back. Looking directly at him, she said, “I am. You know Gerard, science has proved the fact that a heartbreak lasts only for 12 freaking minutes. Anything else is self-inflicted.”

~ A Story By Fizaah Faiyaz, © 2015